How to be friends with people

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Article about how to be friends with people:
Open and empathetic conversations can help to save your friendships that span across the political aisle. 9 Tips to Save Your Politically Divided Friendships. Techniques from couples’ therapy could save friendships that cross party lines.

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Key points. The deeper the relationship, the more worthwhile it is to have meaningful conversations about core values. Be willing to temporarily set aside political identifications and the desire to change someone's mind. Challenge your assumptions and try your best to understand the other person's views. But remember that you're allowed to draw boundaries and stick to your morals. The past few years, and perhaps especially the last one, have likely seen peak levels of family conflicts and friendship breakups over politics. According to the Pew Research Center, the vast majority of registered voters say that they have “just a few” or no friends who voted for the opposite-party candidate in the 2020 elections. According to another poll, 80 percent of Republicans believe “the other side” has been taken over by socialists, and 80 percent of Democrats believe “the other side” has been taken over by racists. Have you cut off friendships or become distant with family members because you just can’t agree with their position on highly debated political topics? Political disagreements can get messy, but if you want to maintain your friendships that span across the political aisle, these techniques from couples’ therapy could help you save them. 1. Determine your overarching goal for the relationship. Is this a close family member with whom you hope to have a relationship for decades to come? Is this a college acquaintance you’ll only interact with at your 10-year reunion? What you do next will depend on whether this relationship is a priority. The general sentiment is: The deeper the relationship, the more worthwhile it is to have meaningful conversations about core values. So it might not be worth it to get into a soul-searching debate about climate change with your waiter. The more important the relationship, the more worthwhile it is to be patient and flexible—to be willing to back away from intractable disagreements in order to preserve the relationship. If you only see your uncle once a year, and you value your relationship with him, be willing to drop the political discussions altogether. 2. Take off your jersey." Once you’ve decided that having a political conversation is worthwhile for your relationship, you can mentally prepare before it starts. One of my favorite tips is from Sarah Holland and Beth Silvers, co-authors of the book I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening) . They suggest beginning a conversation about politics with a loved one by “taking off your jersey” and stepping away from identifying with a side. Neither of you is here as a Democrat or Republican. You’re both here as a genuinely curious friend or child or neighbor to discuss a specific issue, not debate party ideologies. 3. Reimagine your goal. Let go of the idea that you’re going to change someone’s mind. It will immediately make you (and your conversation partner) a much easier person to talk to. Instead, make your goal to understand why the other person feels the way they do. Don’t cheat by sneaking in an addendum goal, such as, “Once I understand how they feel, I can talk them out of it by debunking their myths.” 4. Don't use "why" as an accusation, use "tell me more" as an open-ended invitation. A crucial part of wanting to understand someone else is knowing how to ask open-ended questions.













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